Valentine’s Day doesn’t always need grand speeches or over-the-top romance. Sometimes, the best way to say “I love you” is with humor that feels honest, light, and a little bit relatable.
These short funny Valentine’s Day quotes are perfect for cards, texts, captions, letter boards, or sharing with someone who appreciates love with a sense of humor.
From classic one-liners to witty observations about relationships, this collection keeps things playful without losing the heart of the holiday.
Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes
- “I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.” — Elizabeth Evans
- “Love is sharing your popcorn.” — Charles Schultz
- “I love you with all my butt. I would say heart, but my butt is bigger.” — Unknown
- “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” — Charles M. Schulz
- “Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.” — Joyce Brothers
- “I’m much more me when I’m with you.” — Unknown
- “Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” — Jules Renard
- “I love you more than yesterday, less than tomorrow.” — Edmond Rostand
- “Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” — Albert Einstein
- “I love you even when I’m hungry.” — Unknown
- “Love is an electric blanket somebody else controls.” — Cathy Guisewite
- “You’re the cheese to my macaroni.” — Unknown
- “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” — Joan Crawford
- “I love you more than pizza. And that’s saying a lot.” — Unknown
- “Love is blind — marriage is the eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason
- “We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird.” — Dr. Seuss
- “Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” — Unknown
- “If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?” — Lily Tomlin
- “I love you more than naps.” — Unknown
- “My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.” — Henny Youngman
- “Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably crap.” — Unknown
- “You’re my favorite notification.” — Unknown
- “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet.” — Will Ferrell
- “I love you more than chocolate. And that’s serious.” — Unknown
- “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” — Erma Bombeck
- “I love you more than carbs.” — Unknown
- “Love is being able to tolerate someone’s bad jokes.” — Unknown
- “A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.” — Brendan Francis
- “I love you like Kanye loves Kanye.” — Unknown
- “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” — Erich Segal
- “I love you even when you steal the covers.” — Unknown
- “Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn’t show up on X-rays.” — George Burns
- “I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.” — Unknown
- “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?” — Groucho Marx
- “I love you more than WiFi.” — Unknown
- “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” — Robert Frost
- “I love you more than online shopping.” — Unknown
- “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” — Henny Youngman
- “I love you more than I love sleeping in.” — Unknown
- “Love is sharing your fries without asking.” — Unknown
- “Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.” — Carroll Bryant
- “I love you like a squirrel loves its nuts.” — Unknown
- “I finally found someone who puts up with me.” — Unknown
- “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” — Aristotle
- “I love you more than my phone battery at 100%.” — Unknown
- “Love is being stupid together.” — Paul Valéry
- “I love you even when you’re right.” — Unknown
- “Marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
- “I love you more than sweatpants.” — Unknown
- “Love is when someone knows all your secrets and still sticks around.” — Unknown
- “Love is an adventure, not a destination.” — Unknown
- “I love you more than my favorite TV show.” — Unknown
- “Love is like a friendship caught on fire.” — Bruce Lee
- “I love you more than weekends.” — Unknown
- “Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.” — Unknown
- “Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” — Robert A. Heinlein
- “I love you more than my blanket.” — Unknown
- “Love is when someone steals your food and you forgive them.” — Unknown
- “I love you more than my sleep schedule.” — Unknown
- “Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.” — Unknown
Love is serious, but Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be. A funny quote can break the ice, soften the moment, or say exactly what you’re thinking without trying too hard.
These short funny Valentine’s Day quotes are easy to share, easy to remember, and easy to love.
Save your favorites, send one to someone special, or keep a few on hand for every Valentine’s Day that calls for a smile.
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